"I ill go pretend I’m Steven Tyler at a big Aerosmith show—except naked and sporting two ginormous, plastic filled milk cannons."
Don’t eat those! You don’t know where they’ve been. Probably the ground at some point. Then maybe a florists shop. Oh fuck it. Eat ‘em.
"Guys. We’re gonna have to stop. That last big bump back there, I’m pretty sure, broke my vagina. Like, it’s all kinds of fucked up—swelling, intense pain and it’s making a weird high pitched squeal like a dying squirrel."
Stoya ready to ride a jet. And by “jet” I mean, meatsword and by “ride” I mean pummel that sack.
"It’s like putting a toddler’s arm in your face. Oh! And one in the butthole too! Oh my. Now go easy…ok…double pen iteration with black bowling pins. Guys…this really. I’m not too into… God, I hate my life. Just smile through the pain…smile though the horror."
Fun fact: if you were to break that inside her, the mercury would poison her blood stream and send her into cardiac arrest. Or you could use the broken shards to stab her to death.
"Mmmmm, old mayonnaise. Maybe next time we could try it with your jizz."